


anchored

by SoccerSarah01



Category: One Piece
Genre: (luffy's there for like 5 seconds but i figured i should still include him lmao), Angst, Family, Gen, Grief/Mourning, HOPE YOU ENJOY!!!, Hurt/Comfort, Loyalty, first mate and captain loyalty!!!, just for you!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 17:28:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29068071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoccerSarah01/pseuds/SoccerSarah01
Summary: The kid snorts, and then he gets a considering look in his eye as he finally looks up at Shanks.(Benn realizes, later, that that look is normally an omen for trouble.Not that it helps him, most of the time.)“Join my crew!” The kid says.Benn blinks at him.“…Pardon?”-(Three very important moments in the lives of Shanks and Benn, a captain and first mate who would do anything for each other.)
Relationships: Akagami no Shanks | Red-Haired Shanks & Benn Beckmann
Comments: 10
Kudos: 47
Collections: Sake Ceremony 2021





	1. Loguetown

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SilverCeleb](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverCeleb/gifts).



Benn is not having a good day.

These past weeks, everyone around him – store clerks, shoppers, marines, _everyone_ – they’ve all been antsy and completely unbearable due to the impending execution of the Pirate King. Whispering, yelling, getting drunk in the streets in too-early celebration – everyone’s been going absolutely _insane_.

(Some are acting differently.

Some are holing themselves away in their homes, closing the blinds and shutting everyone out. Some are hiding themselves away, grief and mourning weighing down their shoulders. Some are quiet, and withdrawn, and as far from the loud celebrations in the streets as possible.

(The Pirate King came from here.

Some love him. Some remember the kid that used to run through the streets, causing as much trouble as possible and being as big of an annoyance as possible. Some remember the boy who set out from Loguetown’s docks, a wild laugh the last they hear of him, and smile.

Some didn’t want him to die.)

But they had no choice but to hear the celebrations, to hear people jeer and curse the Pirate King’s name, and simply bow their heads.)

And, now, the Pirate King’s finally dead.

Benn didn’t care about him either way, to be honest, all he wanted was for the chaos to _stop_.

He thought the moment the Pirate King’s head separated from his shoulders would be the end of the absolute mayhem that’s surrounded his town.

He was wrong.

Gold Roger’s final words – _I left it all there in that place!_ – sent an absolute wave of excitement through everyone that saw it. And so the celebrations have kept going, and Benn has not been able to get _any_ sleep.

Even now, at seven in the morning, there are still shouts and yells from outside, and Benn is so _sick_ of this.

Annoyed, he opens his door to yell out to get them to _shut up_.

But, before anything can even escape his mouth, Benn’s eyes catch on something on his porch.

Or, more like, some _one_.

Benn blinks at the teenager – because they must be a teenager, as short and skinny and youth-cheeked as they are – that’s collapsed on his porch. His – Benn _thinks_ the teen’s a boy – bright red hair is splayed out all around him, his limbs thrown out to the side as he lies on his back. His face is scrunched up, seeming to be in pain, and there’s a bottle in his left hand.

The kid lets out a soft groan, then, and Benn has to do _something_ for this kid, dammit.

Glancing from side to side to see if there’s any hint of where this kid might have come from around them – none – Benn crouches down and, as gently as he can, wedges his arms underneath him. The teen doesn’t so much as stir, and his head lolls against Benn’s shoulder as soon as he stands up straight.

He walks back into his apartment, lays the kid down, gets some water and food for when he wakes up, and waits.

-

It doesn’t take all that long for the kid to wake up, all things considered.

For all that he looks like he should be out for a few days, given how sallow and worn he looks and how much alcohol it seemed like he drank, he wakes up only a day after Benn found him outside and took him inside.

Benn’s in the kitchen, making some food for himself, when he hears a faint sniffle from the living room. Benn pauses what he’s doing, straining his ears towards the room, and sure enough, another, louder, sniffle comes from it. Benn furrows his brows in confusion, just a bit, but doesn’t show it otherwise. He grabs the food and makes his way into the living room.

The red-head is sitting up on Benn’s couch, tears streaming down his cheeks as he wipes at his eyes. His motions seem almost vicious, as if he’s angry he’s feeling this way.

Benn wonders what happened that caused that amount of bone-deep, heart-crushing grief on this kid’s face.

(He’s not sure he wants to know.)

Benn clears his throat, then, making his presence known. The kid jerks his head up, then bows his eyes and wipes at his eyes more viciously. Benn adverts his eyes for a moment, and places the tray down next to him and sits. “How’re you feeling?” Benn asks, pointedly not questioning the kid’s crying.

The kid looks slightly relieved, and mutters, “Better.” He stares at his hands for a moment. “Thanks for helping me.”

Benn raises an eyebrow. “You were collapsed on my porch. I kind of had to.”

The kid snorts, and then he gets a considering look in his eye as he finally looks up at Shanks.

(Benn realizes, later, that that look is normally an omen for trouble.

Not that it helps him, most of the time.)

“Join my crew!” The kid says.

Benn blinks at him.

“…Pardon?”

The kid says brightly, “You heard me! Come with me! Sail out with me!”

Deadpan and not a little bit disbelieving, Benn says, “You want me to sail out with you.”

The kid wipes at his eyes quickly and nods vehemently in one motion. “Yeah!” He says brightly. Or, at least, as brightly as he can with his throat as raw as it is. He continues, “You seem cool. I want you on my crew.”

“Your crew,” Benn repeats, wondering if he’s entered another reality when the kid nods excitedly.

The kid he found on his doorstep, drunk out of his mind and passed out, is asking Benn to join his crew. While still crying.

No, it still doesn’t make sense.

“Why would I join your crew? You look, like, fourteen at the oldest.” Benn pauses. “And I still don’t know your name.”

The kid straightens up, looking offended. “I’m _fifteen_!” He stresses. He then adds, more quietly, “Also, my name’s Shanks.”

Benn nods. “You’re still a _kid_. Why would I sail with you?”

Shanks opens his mouth immediately, ready to protest, Benn’s sure, so Benn raises a hand to stop him. “Also, you’re still recovering from whatever happened. I’m not letting _you_ sail out until I’m sure you’re okay.”

Something flashes across Shanks’ face, an emotion that Benn can’t quite parse, and Shanks bows his head. “Okay,” he says, but then, he looks up at Benn, his eyes blazing fierce. “I _will_ convince you to join me, though,” Shanks says, and Benn scoffs.

“Go back to sleep, kid.”

Shanks stares at him for a moment longer, before he gives in, laying back and snoring before long. Benn looks at him for a moment longer, before picking up the cleared plates and exiting the room.

He’s not going to join this kid.

(Despite what Benn tries to convince himself of, part of him feels _pulled_ to him.

(Benn’s always been curious about what it’d be like out at sea.)

Benn pushes it down.

He’s not going to sail out with this _kid_.)

A few days pass, and Shanks gets healthier and happier.

And, much to Benn’s shock and displeasure, Shanks actually starts wearing him down.

_“The sea is the best place you can be!”_

_“I’m comfortable here.”_

Day after day-

_“There’s so many different islands, and people, and things you can’t even imagine!”_

_“What makes you think I even want to see those things?”_

Story after story-

 _“My old crew was so_ crazy _, you gotta hear about the time my captain surfed a sea king-”_

 _“Do I_ really _want to hear about that, though.”_

Shanks keeps wearing Benn _down_.

He makes him _want_ to sail out.

 _“On the sea, you’re_ free _!”_

The one thing that Shanks threads through every story, whether it’s about his prior crew’s stupidity (which always causes a cacophony of emotions to flash across Shanks’ face, and Benn isn’t sure why), or the islands he’s visited, or the people he’s met, is _freedom_.

Freedom to live, freedom to laugh, freedom to love. Freedom to cry. Freedom to lose, freedom to want.

Freedom. Pure, unadulterated _freedom_.

More than anything, this is what finally convinces Benn.

He’s never left Loguetown; it’s always been home to him. And it’s not bad, Benn has a good job, he’s got a decent home, he’s got family nearby, but-

It’s _boring_ , really. It never changes.

Benn wants something new.

And, so, when Shanks asks for what must be the fiftieth time in four days, _join my crew, Benn_ -

Benn says _yes_.

The grin the spreads across Shanks’ face is as bright as the sun, and Benn instantly knows he’s made the right choice.


	2. Dawn Island

Benn’s got to be honest, he did not expect his day to go like this.

When they pulled into Dawn Island’s port, they’d expected their normal reception – some villagers giving them welcoming smiles and expressing wishes that they had good travels; Makino seeing them and saying hello as well as heading back to the bar to prepare for them, practical girl that she is; a little boy excitedly running up to them and asking about their adventures.

(Well, given the terms they’d left Luffy on, angry and frustrated about their reactions to the bandits, he might not come out to welcome them.

But still-)

“It’s quiet,” Shanks murmurs as their crew bustles around them, securing the sails and calling various instructions to others. Benn nods, glancing from side to side.

“Yeah,” he agrees.

Shanks straightens up, haki flaring out just a bit, and commands, “Let’s go.”

They walk, for a while, into the quiet, quiet town. Soon, they hear yelling, and the easily-recognizable sound of someone getting punched. Shanks and Benn share a look, and the entire crew raises their pace.

There shouldn’t be anyone getting punched in this town.

Something is seriously, seriously wrong.

They finally make it to the source of the noises, and-

Anchor’s on the ground.

 _Their_ Anchor is on the ground, a boot grinding his face into the dirt.

Bloodlust and pure, unadulterated anger immediately radiate from around Benn, as well as from within him. There’s no one who’s angrier than Shanks, though, who immediately steps forward.

Though Shanks’ voice is lighthearted as he addresses the bandits – “Isn’t your punch as strong as a pistol, Luffy?” “Shut _up_ , Shanks!” – Benn can hear the anger laced throughout his voice; the presence that slowly grows heavier and heavier as the bandits spew bullshit about them and threaten that they’ll kill Benn’s crew.

The very thought would’ve made Benn laugh if he wasn’t so pissed off.

At some point, a bandit threatens Shanks, aiming a gun at his temple. Shanks just laughs it off, giving the bandits a threat that Benn knows they don’t recognize as such.

Before anyone can react, Lucky’s shot the bandit in the head.

Benn simply watches, satisfaction lacing through him as everyone else freaks out.

(Seriously, what did they expect?

They’re _pirates._ They don’t play by the rules.)

One bandit shouts, “This was _none of your business_!” and Benn can tell that his captain’s eyes have narrowed; that he’s finally allowing his anger to show.

Shanks steps just a little closer, then, and growls, “You can pour drinks on me, you can throw food at me, you can even spit on me. I’ll just laugh it off. But…”

An inkling of conquerors radiates from Shanks, and he levels the full force of his glare on the leader of the bandits. “Good reason or not, _no one hurts one of my friends_!”

Everyone gapes, and Benn grins sharply.

That’s his captain.

The bandit, obviously shaken, spews some overconfident bullshit that Benn doesn’t bother listening to, and orders his men to attack them.

Benn steps forward, and says, “I’ll take care of them, Captain.” Shanks grins and steps aside.

It’s not worth noting the attack itself – it’s criminally easy taking care of them.

Benn levels his gun at the bandit leader after he’s taken out all of the other bandits, and says calmly, “You were saying something about mountain bandits and pirates?” A pause for dramatic effect – he’s learned _something_ from Shanks after all these years, Benn supposes – and then, “If you wanna fight us, you’d better bring a battleship.”

The bandit panics for a couple seconds, pinning all the blame of Anchor which is just laughable to Benn, and Shanks’ mild response of, “You’re wanted, aren’t you?” just pisses him off even more.

Benn’s thoroughly enjoying himself, but then-

The asshole throws something into the ground, and smoke surrounds him.

Before they can react, the smoke’s encompassed the area, and the bandit and Luffy are _gone_.

Shanks swings his head back and forth, an unnaturally panicked look on his face. He meets Benn’s eyes, then, and asks, “What do we _do_?!”

There’s a desperate look in his eyes, one that speaks more of just fear that Luffy’s been kidnapped, and Benn feels that he will be addressing that later. “Captain, calm down,” Benn says, calmly and slowly, putting just a little emphasis on _captain_. Shanks freezes, closes his eyes, and breathes in. He breathes out slowly, and when he reopens his eyes, they’re calmer.

Benn’s glad his reminder seems to have gotten through to his captain.

_You’re our captain. Be strong. We believe in you._

Benn glances to the side, then, and spots something.

He nudges Shanks, who glances at him, worry still encrusted into his face, and says, “Hey, Captain...”

-

When Benn had noticed where Luffy had been taken to, and told Shanks, who quickly dove into the sea to go after him, Benn expected someone to need medical attention.

(After all, Luffy had been beaten up considerably before being taken out to sea.)

He hadn’t expected Shanks to be the one to need the medic the most.

Shanks clutches his hand almost desperately as he’s pulled aboard the boat they took out to retrieve Luffy after Shanks saved him, and it’s all Benn can do to not panic as he takes in the missing part of his captain.

Takes in that he lost his _arm_.

Shanks clings onto his hand, sucking in pained hisses when Doc starts trying to help, and all Benn can do is be a steady, soothing presence to help his captain.

It stings that he can’t do more.

They get back to shore, and Shanks gets rushed to emergency surgery.

Benn follows, because what is he, if he can’t support his captain?

Later, after the surgery, after Shanks has crushed Benn’s hand enough that it feels numb and Benn’s heard enough of his captain’s pained whispers to last a lifetime, after Shanks has slept and Benn’s drank more than he has in years, _after_ -

After, Benn finds Shanks in the room, wide awake.

“Hey,” he says quietly, closing the door behind him with a quiet click.

Shanks has his thinking face on, scrunched a little in pain that the pain meds haven’t quite managed to relieve, and Benn wonders what his captain is dwelling on _now_.

Of course, it’s when Shanks has just lost his arm that he decides to be angsty.

"I never told you why I was so adamant against Luffy coming with us, did I?" Shanks asks after a moment of quiet, staring blankly up at the ceiling.

Benn says, "I assumed it was the obvious." Bringing a kid on board a pirate ship is typically not a good idea, Benn knows.

Then again, his Captain has never been an obvious person in the ways that matter, so perhaps Benn should have expected more.

Shanks chuckles humorlessly, glancing over at Benn before he goes back to staring at the ceiling. "It's because of moments like these," he confesses after a long pause. Benn doesn't allow any confusion to show on his face, but, based on the look Shanks cuts him out of the corners of his eyes, Shanks notices it anyway.

Shanks continues, "I've always been afraid that...if I brought him on, I wouldn't be able to protect him."

 _Like Captain Roger wasn't always able to protect me_ , goes unspoken between them, but hangs heavy nonetheless.

"I worried that if I let him out of my sight for two seconds – little shit, he'd cause trouble wherever we'd go – I'd turn around and he'd be gone, or dead, lying on the ground."

Shanks bites his lip and goes quiet for a moment. Benn focuses very hard on not saying a word; not letting the clenching of his stomach at the sight of his Captain's self-doubt.

Because Benn knows Shanks. And he knows that whenever he's in this sort of mood, Benn always has to drag him out.

Shanks finally says, "I worried that Luffy would die, and it'd be my fault."

He goes quiet, then, and closes his eyes. Benn stares at him, concern coiling in his stomach. A quiet Shanks is never good. It always means he’s getting inside his own head, blaming himself for whatever happened, and Benn always has to drag him out.

He’s the first mate. If his captain can’t rely on him to set him straight, who can he rely on?

“You think what happened today is your fault?” Benn asks mildly, leaning against the doorframe and leveling a look at his captain. Shanks doesn’t respond right away, keeping his head bowed and staring at the floor.

Benn doesn’t miss how Shanks’ hands clench just a little tighter, carving little half-moons into his palms.

“…Yeah,” Shanks finally whispers, not looking up. Benn frown deepens, and he makes his way over to sit next to his captain.

Shanks leans into him as he sits, just a little bit, and Benn silently wraps an arm around Shanks’ shoulders.

(Shanks doesn’t…doesn’t like showing his emotions. Most of the time, when stuff like this happens, Shanks paints a false mask of confidence over his face and hides his fears with laughter and jokes.

Only when Shanks is really shaken, only when he truly believes he’s done something unredeemable, does he break down.

And, when he breaks down, Benn always makes sure to be there.

It’s his captain. Where else would he be?)

“You know, in terms of failing Luffy, saving him from a sea king is pretty far in the opposite direction,” Benn begins lightly. Sometimes levity is the way to go when dealing with his captain, but, given the way Shanks doesn’t react other than a half-hearted snort, this time, it won’t work.

Benn can’t say he’s really surprised.

Shanks shakes his head and leans away from Benn. “Yeah, great job I did saving him – losing an arm and almost letting him die isn’t really the best I could’ve done,” Shanks mumbles self-deprecatingly. “I _promised_ myself that I wouldn’t let him get hurt like-” Shanks’ voice chokes off, and he swallows heavily before continuing, “-like I did. And yet, he still almost died.”

Leaning forward a smidge over his knees, Shanks lets out a bitter laugh. “I still failed, Benn.”

Benn raises an eyebrow and levels an unimpressed look on Shanks. Because, _really_? “You really don’t realize who you are to Luffy, do you,” Benn asks, but it’s really not a question, just a confirmation of fact. The flicker of surprise in Shanks’ eyes that quickly gets replaced by a dull glare confirms that assumption well enough. Benn sighs, edging closer to Shanks and nudging him, forcing him to meet his eyes.

“Luffy looks at you like you’re the sun incarnate, you know,” Benn says, a painful fondness weaving its way through his tone. “He looks at you like you hung the moon; like you put all the stars in the sky. He looks up to you, Captain, so, so much, and I can’t even imagine who he’d be without you.”

Shanks buries his head deeper in his hands, subtle shudders wracking his shoulders. Benn allows a small smile to crawl onto his face, but makes sure to keep his tone sincere as he continues, “You didn’t fail Anchor, Captain. That bandit was an absolute asshole and pulled a dirty trick on us, but we found him and you saved him. He’s alive because of you.”

There’s an almost painful twisting of Shanks’ facial features, disbelief being the most prominent emotion shining through as Shanks tilts his head up to stare at Benn. Benn simply holds his gaze until Shanks _knows_ that what Benn speaks of is true; that all of this is _true_.

Shanks is not a failure.

Benn refuses to allow him to continue feeling this way.

After a little while, Shanks breaks his gaze and buries his face in his hands yet again, leaning forward over his knees. Benn wraps his arm around Shanks’ shoulders again, pulling him in. This time, instead of being mildly resistant to Benn’s attempts at comfort, Shanks comes willingly, collapsing into Benn’s arms and burying his face in Benn’s chest.

(Benn remembers those first few months after they sailed out from Loguetown; how Benn had been the one to wake Shanks up, nightmare after nightmare after nightmare haunting his sleep until Benn shook him awake, and remembers the comfort Benn would offer: a calm, nonjudgmental presence, arm wrapped around his shoulders until he was able to fall asleep again.

Shanks may have been Benn’s captain, but Shanks was still a kid, and Benn could help. Could comfort. Could hold.

And so he did.

Benn compares this moment to then, and smiles, just a little bit.

It’s funny, how much can change, yet how little can be different at the same time.)

Benn simply holds Shanks close, mindful of his recently-operated-on stump, and allows him to break apart and piece himself back together in the safe place of Benn’s arms.

Eventually, Shanks leans back, rubbing his eyes and wiping the tears away. There’s a rueful smile on his face as he says, “You know, I really thought I’d grown out of that.” Benn chuckles, and Shanks manages to grin at Benn, eyes red but bright, for the first time since they arrived back at Dawn.

Benn says simply, “There are some things you never grow out of,” and Shanks’ grin gains a softer tinge.

“I suppose so.”

Shanks, then, tries to roll his shoulders and winces. “Ouch,” Shanks says, sounding almost surprised, and Benn sighs and rolls his eyes.

“C’mon.” Benn stands up off of the bed, pushing Shanks back into the covers and forcing him to lie back. “You literally just got out of surgery a few hours ago. You need to rest.”

Shanks grumbles and groans like he always does, but the pain meds are clearly wearing off and he doesn’t put up nearly as much of a fight as normal. However, before Benn can get him to actually fall asleep, there’s a light knock on the door.

And, before Benn can do _anything_ , Shanks is calling out, with the last of his energy, “Come in!”

Makino peeks her head in after cracking it open, an apologetic smile on her face. “Sorry, I know you were probably trying to sleep,” she says, and Benn waves her off.

“This dumbass was already awake. You’re fine.”

Shanks gasps, comically offended. “You don’t get to call your captain a _dumbass_ , Benn!”

“I’ll call you whatever I want when you nearly broke my hand a few hours ago.”

Makino laughs and pushes the door open entirely, and Shanks’ and Benn’s budding argument swiftly gets cut off at the sight of Makino’s arms. Makino follows their gazes, and her eyes soften. “He refused to fall asleep until he knew you were okay,” she whispers, hugging the bundle in her arms just a little closer and making her way further into the room.

Their little Anchor rests in Makino’s arms, head against her shoulder and in an obviously fitful sleep. His thumb is in his mouth, seeming to be sucked on almost painfully, and his eyebrows are furrowed. The tenseness threading through his shoulders and the obvious exhaustion painted all over his face makes something clench inside of Benn.

(Anchor really, really loves Shanks.

It’s truly a wonder to Benn how Shanks doesn’t see that.)

Makino says tentatively, “Doc said you were finished with surgery and could take visitors now, and, well…I thought this might help?”

Shanks immediately answers the question in Makino’s voice, holding out his remaining arm and beckoning the two over. “Put ‘im here,” Shanks says, gesturing to his uninjured side, and Makino smiles gratefully before making her way over and placing Luffy carefully against Shanks’ side.

As soon as Shanks is within reach of Luffy, their Anchor rolls, resting his head over Shanks’ chest and fisting his hand in Shanks’ shirt, the tension rooted in his shoulders and in the furrow of his eyebrows disappearing. Shanks visibly softens (along with Benn’s heart) as Luffy’s lips turn up into a small smile, and he gently runs a hand down Luffy’s back. Makino gives them a small smile, and starts backing out of the room. “I’ll be just outside,” she promises, before leaving.

Shanks, for once, doesn’t pay her any attention, eyes slightly widened in awe focused on the little boy rooted to his side. Benn smiles, small and soft, and takes a seat on the bed next to Shanks. “See? You see how he sees you?”

The awe in Shanks’ eyes brightens just a little bit more, and Benn continues softly, “You’re not a failure, Shanks. Not to Makino, not to Anchor, not to us – not to anyone.”

Shanks closes his eyes, taking a deep breath in and letting it out slowly before opening them again. “Yeah,” he whispers, placing a hand on Luffy’s head and caressing it gently. “Yeah, okay.”

Benn’s captain finally allows his eyes to close, then, and the last thing Benn hears before the low rumbles of Shanks’ snores fill the room is, “Thanks, Benn.”

He’s already snoring, but Benn chuckles lowly, takes a seat at Shanks’ bedside, and says, “Anytime, Captain.”

And he means it.


	3. Marineford

Shanks arrives at Marineford, and instantly knows he’s too late.

He can’t see the battlefield, he can’t see the fighting to know which side won, but, by the knot tightening in his stomach from where it’s been settled since Shanks heard about this _damn_ war, he knows it can’t be good.

He hears roars and screams and _cries_ , and grits his teeth as he _shoves_ the voices in his head back. He can’t afford to let his Observation Haki overwhelm him now.

(He’s always hated hearing voices disappear. When at sea, every time a pirate or marine died, before his Captain and Rayleigh taught him to suppress the voices, it was like a knife to the heart.

As if someone _he_ cared about died, every single time.

It was hard enough having one, two, five people dying in a battle, voices snuffing out to nothing.

(The Edd War (twelve years old, he was only _twelve years old_ ) had been the worst.

He’d given up keeping count after the hundredth voice had fallen silent, a cry for their daughter the last thought on their mind.)

And here, it’s a million times worse than the Edd war.

He pushes it aside.)

The ship’s not too far from the harbor, the Red Force tossing and turning and fighting against the _blasted_ waves intent on capsizing her. Benn, ever steady, is stood by Shanks’ right side, and by the grim look on his face, he’s sensed the same thing that Shanks as.

Or, more accurately, _not_ sensed.

There’s no bright spark that is all Ace (the one time Shanks had met him was more than enough for him to remember – that bright, bold, _burning_ flame is hard to forget).

Whitebeard’s ever-strong presence is gone, too.

They must have lost.

Shanks grits his teeth.

 _Damn_ Kaido, and _damn_ Whitebeard for being too stubborn to bring Ace back and stop the war from happening in the first place.

(Damn him for being too late.)

But, even as Shanks feels weariness settle into his heart as the needless, needless war continues, there’s one thing-

“Do you feel it?”

Shanks hums distractedly in response to Benn’s murmured question, furrowing his eyebrows and focusing his Haki on the island. “Buggy’s here,” Shanks says in response, stretching further and determinedly ignoring the heartbroken cries screaming in his mind. “And…” a faint, familiar presence pings, and he stiffens.

“Please tell me, by ‘it,’ you didn’t mean Anchor,” Shanks asks, desperately hoping the _child_ he’d staked his life on hadn’t shown up to the war of the _century_.

Benn gives him a weary, deadpan look. “It’s Anchor,” Benn reminds, _of course, he’d come here_ going unspoken, and Shanks sighs.

“Yeah, that’s what I feared.”

Benn snorts humorlessly as they edge closer. “It’s Anchor. I’m sure he’s okay,” he says, and Shanks nods.

“He won’t die that easily.”

Shanks frowns, then, as agitation spikes, growing stronger and stronger even as more and more people die. “They’re not letting up,” Shanks says, and Benn sighs and nods.

“It’s the marines, after all. They don’t win until all the pirates are dead.”

Shanks sighs and glares ahead.

Those stupid, _stupid_ fucking Marines.

They’re just about ready to start pulling into the absolutely destroyed harbor, when-

“ _That’s enough_!”

A voice _roars_ above all others, practically a _scream_ that cuts across the battlefield and stills all, marine or pirate.

Shanks’ eyes narrow, focusing on the small, shaking, sobbing _boy_ standing in front of the most vicious marine Shanks has ever had the displeasure to meet. Everyone’s still frozen around him, staring at the boy who’s still yelling up to Akainu.

Akainu, who is the cruelest bastard Shanks has ever met. Akainu, who Shanks knows killed hundreds of innocents during the Ohara Massacre just on the off chance that one of the scholars could have made it on board. Akainu, who would kill all the civilians in the world just to kill pirates.

Akainu, who’s glaring down at the boy, shoulders smoking and magma starting to drip down from his overheated hands.

“I’m going to go to protect him,” Shanks says, already making the leap over the side to run along the shore to the showdown.

This boy- no, _man_ , is one of the bravest people Shanks has ever seen, and, as he continues yelling about this war being a complete waste of life and that all of them deserve _better_ , Shanks knows that he wants to see what the man will do in the future.

(He sees a little bit of Anchor in him.

It makes Shanks a little excited, through his dread and grief at what’s happened today.)

Benn, always on the same page as him, says, “Aye-aye, Captain. I’m going to keep an eye on Kizaru.” Shanks glances over his shoulder towards Benn, who’s peering towards the mast of one ship. “I have a feeling I’ll be needed there,” he says vaguely, and Shanks waves a hand.

“You do that. Men, bring the ship in!” He calls out, and gets a chorus of affirmatives from his crew.

And then, he’s running.

The man (who he’s just noticed is a _marine_ – his respect has just risen even further – it’s _hard_ speaking out against a superior, especially one like Akainu), cries, “They’re fools who will die for nothing!”

The truth rings out, and Shanks smiles grimly at the shocked horror settling in on all of the Marines’ and Pirates’ faces.

Unfortunately, Akainu doesn’t seem to see it that way, lip curling up and glaring at the Marine. “…What? Who are you?” He asks, then grunts and brings his hand back, obviously not caring about the answer. “You’ve cost me precious seconds. A soldier who doesn’t serve justice has no place in the Marines!”

Shanks is _not_ going to let this man die.

Just as Akainu’s about to pulverize him, Shanks steps in, and stops the swing.

The clang against his sword echoes across the battlefield, and everything grounds to a halt once again.

“Well done, young soldier,” Shanks says, not faltering even as Akainu’s stance weakens, for a moment, before firming and pressing his arm that much harder against Shanks’ sword. Shanks remains, unbowed from the actually quite pathetic attempt at bowling Shanks over. Shanks continues, “For better or for worse-” and Shanks bets it’s for the better, “-those few seconds of courage will profoundly influence the fate of this world.”

Shanks has been waiting for more young Marines like Coby to step up.

The Government will be destroyed, at some point. Shanks knows this, from the rising power of the Revolutionaries and the slipping power of the Government, as well as the era that’s about to come to a close.

And there will need to be decent marines left behind to join in and put together a government worth fighting for with the revolutionaries.

Akainu finally lets up, sensing that he won’t be able to beat Shanks, and Shanks bends down, distantly hearing his first mate threaten Kizaru and protect Shanks’ protégé, all in one. His fingers brush up against rough straw, and just the memories linked to it threaten to suffocate him.

He shoves them down.

This is _not_ the time.

“I’ve come,” Shanks announces, slowly but firmly, standing and meeting the eyes of Sengoku, “To put an end to this war!”

-

It’s good that Sengoku agreed to let Shanks and his crew handle the burial of Whitebeard and Ace, because after seeing their bodies (his captain’s rival, his captain’s _son_ ) dead, Shanks really, really does not have the energy to fight anyone.

(Ace is _dead_.

Ace, who Shanks just learned a couple years ago was alive. Ace, who has his Captain’s grin and Rouge’s laugh. Ace, who smiled brightly and laughed joyfully and was full of _life_.

(Ace, who never seemed like he was fully comfortable in his own skin. Ace, who used self-deprecating humor like it was the only thing he knew.

Ace, who Shanks _loved_ but who Shanks could never show that love to.)

Shanks had always hoped that he’d be able to build a relationship with Ace one day. To build a relationship with the boy who would’ve been like a little brother to Shanks, had things been different.

But things aren’t different.

And now, Ace lies on the ground, covered in a sheet, dead.

(Dead, dead, _dead_.)

Shanks failed.)

He got there in time to stop the fighting from continuing, to stop the marines and pirates from going at each other until there was nothing left, but-

Ace is still dead. Whitebeard’s dead. He didn’t succeed in what he came to do.

And it _hurts_.

Shanks doesn’t remember much of what happened afterwards.

He remembers seeing Buggy, fondness welling up for the boy he grew up with even as grief threatened to crush him. He remembers giving Buggy his hat to give back to Luffy, and stating that he can’t see him and break their promise. He remembers talking to Sengoku and Benn coming back to his side after ensuring Luffy’s escape, Shanks’ right arm brushing against Benn’s left, and drawing strength from him.

He remembers scooping up Ace’s body, still warm, and biting his lip hard enough to bleed.

Benn’s subtle support was the only thing that kept him from succumbing to his grief and _failure_.

After, when they’ve set a course for Sphynx and harbored the remaining Whitebeards, who stand and sit in bunches, grief weighing them down, Shanks finally lets his shoulders relax, just a bit.

Shanks surveys the ship, sees that everyone’s mostly figured what they’re going to do out, and heads belowdecks.

He needs a fucking _drink_.

Later, Benn finds him as he’s sitting in a storage room, mindlessly swirling a bottle around in his hand. Shanks knows he really shouldn’t be getting drunk – he has guests on his ship, he has responsibilities; there’s a whole host of reasons why he shouldn’t.

He really can’t bring himself to care.

Benn leans against the door, leveling a steady look on Shanks. “You going to stay in here all day, Captain?” He asks mildly. Shanks glances up, and glares at his closest friend.

Benn just meets his gaze, calm as ever, and Shanks looks away.

“You know, I’ve always wanted to get closer to Ace,” Shanks finally sighs. “He never knew, I don’t think, but I was supposed to be like a brother to him. I was supposed to take _care_ of him.”

Benn’s eyes have narrowed somewhat in confusion, and Shanks sighs.

“He was my captain’s son. He was _Rouge-san’s_ son,” Shanks says distantly, mind casting back to that very first (and last) meeting with Ace. Benn’s eyes widen in what might be shock, but Shanks doesn’t process any of it. “No one who sailed on Roger’s ship didn’t know Rouge-san’s freckles, or the dimples that formed whenever she smiled, or the brightness of her laugh,” Shanks continues, choking out a wet laugh and taking another swig of beer.

Benn sighs and takes it away from Shanks, and Shanks can’t muster up the willpower to fight against it.

It’s not like the alcohol is helping, anyway.

(It hasn’t ever since Shanks saw the blades cut into his father’s chest, and drank away his sorrows for the next months.)

“Ace has- _had_ all of those things.”

Benn sighs again, coming to sit next to Shanks on the bed. He’s not quite touching Shanks, but his presence is…soothing.

(It’s like whenever Benn’s near, Shanks knows everything will be okay.

But it won’t be, this time.

Because Ace is dead.

His captain’s son is _dead_.)

“I failed, Benn.” The acknowledgement _hurts_. “He was my captain’s son, _Rouge-san’s_ son – he was supposed to be my _brother_ , and I failed.”

And Shanks also heard-

“I don’t know if he ever knew how much he was loved,” Shanks whispers, like it’s a sin. And it is – Ace, borne of the two strongest people Shanks knew; a father who was the absolute best at soothing nightmares and a mother who taught Shanks everything he knows about sword fighting, who both loved each other fiercely and gave Buggy and Shanks all the love they could ever dream of, should _never_ have doubted how much he was loved.

Yet, based on Marco’s asides and Ace’s muted body language and laughing jokes that reeked of self-deprecation as he got drunker, he had.

And that’s the most painful thing of all, for Shanks, who loves this boy who he never got to know more than anything.

(Anchor’s broken, too.

Shanks doesn’t think he can handle thinking about that particular facet of his failure, now.)

Silence sits between them for a moment, not quite uncomfortable, but heavier than it’s been in a long time. Heavier than it’s been since Shanks stumbled onto Benn’s doorstep, drunk and alone and grieving, and Benn got him back into shape.

“He may have been your parents’ son,” Benn says finally, and something in Shanks clenches at the word _parents_. It’s been a long time since anyone but Shanks has called them that aloud.

Benn’s not wrong, though, and it _aches_.

Benn continues, “But he was also a pirate of his own.” Shanks glances over at Benn to see him staring out at the wall, seeing something Shanks isn’t quite privy to. “He lived his own adventures. He had his own friends, family. He had Anchor.”

 _But he didn’t have me,_ Shanks just barely refrains from saying.

Though, Benn cuts a glance at Shanks, so maybe he did say it, after all. “No, he didn’t have you,” Benn acknowledges. The confirmation (though Shanks had already known it was true, it still _hurts_ ) causes Shanks to close his eyes again, head dipping so that his chin brushes against his chest. “And it’s tragic that you two won’t ever get the chance to become as close as you could’ve been, in another world.”

“Way to rub it in, Benn,” Shanks mumbles, and Benn snorts, a derisive, cynical thing. Shanks looks at him out of the corners of his eyes, and something more soft, more thoughtful has come across Benn’s face.

“But, you know…” Benn starts, leaning slightly into Shanks, and an almost _smile_ twisting up one of the corners of his lips. “Did you hear what they were whispering as you brought his body out?”

The confusion and prompt for Benn to go on must be clear in Shanks’ eyes, because Benn says, sounding almost wondering himself, “They said Ace was happy, when he died.”

Shanks’ heart _stops_.

“Happy?” Shanks asks, breathless.

“Yeah,” Benn chuckles. He takes a swig of Shanks’ own beer, and Shanks can’t even be angry about it, he’s too damn _shocked_. “Some of his crewmates were saying that as he died, Ace was saying that he was happy. That he was thankful for everyone.”

Shanks eyes are burning, and he swallows slightly to force the knot back down.

(If Ace had been _happy_ -)

Benn continues, softer, “Someone said that his final words were, _thank you for loving me._ ” Shanks’ breath hitches, then, and Benn gives him a patient look, shifting just a little bit closer. Shanks leans back into Benn’s warmth, and breathes, just for a moment.

(Ace knew he was loved.

Ace knew he was _loved_.

Based on everything Shanks heard; based on what he saw for himself, two years ago, he never would have imagined.

His shoulders feel lighter, all of a sudden.)

Benn nudges him, then. “You didn’t fail, Captain,” he says firmly, and somehow the subtle reminder of _you are my captain, and I follow you_ , is the thing Shanks can handle the least right now. “Ace knew he was loved. He had a family, and though that family may not have been you, it was a family nonetheless.”

“He knew,” Shanks repeats, and something loosens in his chest. Benn shakes his head, a fond smile turning up his lips even through the lines of grief that still crease his face, and nods.

“Yeah, he did.”

They sit silently, for a while. Shanks leans into Benn further, and Benn wraps an arm around his shoulders. “Thanks, Benn,” Shanks murmurs into his first mate’s shoulder.

Shanks doesn’t know what he would do, without Benn.

Benn’s shoulders shake from his soft chuckles, and he says, “Anytime, Captain.”

And Shanks believes him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! I have another fic for you! You deserve the absolute best Lele, hope you enjoyed!!! And to everyone else, thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed!!!


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